Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Gone Tomorrow
I wish I could say I was more excited to go back to Canada but I just can't right now. Why? Because I'm feeling defeated by my stuff.
If I was the type of person who didn't get emotionally attached to her things, all this would not be an issue. I would say, "To hell with this!" and just chuck everything. But, I cannot do this. These things are part of the life I've lived this past year. They're part of the journey I took to be with Matt, to experience what it's like to live in an unfamiliar country and learn how to manage with being uncomfortable in a different culture.
I stood at the top of Richmond Hill yesterday morning, coffee in hand, looking out over the park and the river. And for just a moment, when everything was silent, I realized that, despite the trials ... I will miss it here. This was mine and Matt's home; we shared a life here. This past year has taught me so much about myself - good and bad - that I would never had learned had I stayed at home.
I guess it makes me sad that we're leaving it all behind.
So maybe it's not just about my stuff, or the fact that we're desperately trying to fit it all into one cubic metre to be shipped by freight, or worrying that my baggage will most certainly be over the weight limit at the Air Canada counter. It's about recognizing that nothing that is easy is ever worth having, and that life will hardly ever be anything like what you're prepared for. But just maybe, everything happens for a reason, and that the journey doesn't end just because you think it does.
Gone tomorrow. And I am sure I will be a puddle.
I wish I could say I was more excited to go back to Canada but I just can't right now. Why? Because I'm feeling defeated by my stuff.
If I was the type of person who didn't get emotionally attached to her things, all this would not be an issue. I would say, "To hell with this!" and just chuck everything. But, I cannot do this. These things are part of the life I've lived this past year. They're part of the journey I took to be with Matt, to experience what it's like to live in an unfamiliar country and learn how to manage with being uncomfortable in a different culture.
I stood at the top of Richmond Hill yesterday morning, coffee in hand, looking out over the park and the river. And for just a moment, when everything was silent, I realized that, despite the trials ... I will miss it here. This was mine and Matt's home; we shared a life here. This past year has taught me so much about myself - good and bad - that I would never had learned had I stayed at home. I guess it makes me sad that we're leaving it all behind.
So maybe it's not just about my stuff, or the fact that we're desperately trying to fit it all into one cubic metre to be shipped by freight, or worrying that my baggage will most certainly be over the weight limit at the Air Canada counter. It's about recognizing that nothing that is easy is ever worth having, and that life will hardly ever be anything like what you're prepared for. But just maybe, everything happens for a reason, and that the journey doesn't end just because you think it does.
Gone tomorrow. And I am sure I will be a puddle.
# posted by @anatingor @ Tuesday, May 15, 2007 
Comments:
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Oh Ang... such a hard lesson to learn, isn't it? But your words are wise and, surely, the journey will be worth it. Why? Because it just has to be. Otherwise, we're stuck in a time and place we can no longer belong to. And it's a bad place to be stuck in. :(
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